Revision?

As a sixteen year old and GCSE student, I think that i am entirely entitled to ask the following question: what the hell is up with all of these god damn exams and why the hell do i have to revise for them? I mean, yes better life chances and blah blah blah, but really, does anyone care that the prehistoric man thought that headaches meant that evil spirits were tapped inside your brain? And revision! Why do we have to do exams, like teenagers don't already have enough to worry about!

Okay, maybe that isn't quite fair to say, yes, i probably do need to revise if i really want decent grades, which i do, because lets face it... can you imagine what mother would say if I got anything less that what is expected of me? Can you imagine? Well you don't want to. So here I am, tweeting, blogging and watching Lord of the Rings. Again. Instead of do the well loved revision for my exam on Tuesday. I know its terrible and I have no excuse other than the fact that I am tired. Yes, tired, my only excuse and it just so happens to be pitiful and worthless, so lets face it, I have no excuse at all.

On a lighter note, my English Lit exam should be something I'm looking forward to... I'm not, but I'm supposed to be! Brilliant. Damn man, I am one pessimistic person. Weekends don't seem to be long enough, I just feel drained all the time. How is it that in TV programs, the teenagers have time for all that romance and fighting and partying and all that other bullshit and still have time to revise and do their exams? Do they take uppers to keep them going? How do they find the time? Maybe I'm being a little over dramatic, and i emphasize the word "little" but I am so damn tired. Have you ever had that feeling when all you want to do is just waste a whole day by drinking hot tea, eating chocolate, watching a film and dosing in and out of sleep? Well that's what I want to do, but every time I go to shut my eyes all I see are revision guides!

Why is it that I have to learn all this stuff anyway? You don't see elves going to school for twelve years of their life, and they seem to get by alright. What? Are they born knowing the capital of Peru?

On a real lighter note though, my mother is back from London, baring gifts, doughnuts to be precise. Well, Krispy Kremes  if you want to be super accurate. Which, might i add to those that have never tried them, are the nicest doughnuts in the world. All righty then, I will stop my pathetic and quite honestly boring yammering on about my boring life and my boring revision, i should probably, eat my doughnut and just get on with it. And watch Lord of the rings, this half is almost over though, which is a bit of a downer, I will, however, see what is on tv or go to sleep, or maybe i will even read a revision guide! What fun!

I don't suppose that I will be blogging for a while, maybe in the half term if anything super interesting happens. Or anything remotely interesting, because lets face what is super interesting?

Right, i am going to read the hobbit tonight, because I can! Woo hoo!

Let me have a moan.

Okay, so i do intend to start blogging properly again soon, especially because I was talking to my friends dad and he was talking about me becoming a feature writer. I am still interested in being a fiction writer and an editor, its just another possibility. Which is fine, at least I know what business I want to be in, I don't have to decide now. I'm only sixteen at the end of the day, and you know what, why should i have to?

I don't want to totally bore you with a massive moan but I feel that it is time, also, before I can write well i need to vent. It's what I do best. Speaking of venting I did exactly that to my drama teacher a couple of weeks ago, almost started to cry. I didn't mean to but i was stood there, expecting just to have a chat while i waited until i had to go and pick up the brother, and then I felt really sick, I just wanted to sit down, and my eyes started watering. He asked me if I was okay, knew that I wasn't and asked me what was on my mind. That was all it took for my chin to wobble. Ever had that feeling, when you just have to sit in silence for a minute, otherwise you wont be able to hold it in anymore. Well, that was what happened, i ended up pretty much running away, I felt terrible for doing it, but it didn't make me feel any less of an idiot for crying (almost) over revision and exams.

So, I have done two of my seven exams this summer, it makes me feel better to think that i have already done my maths and passed it. I know its only a C and a C is all I need and lets face it, I don't need to know what Pythagoras theorem is. Do i? Nope. Do I did my English paper one yesterday, my ethics paper today and then my English paper two tomorrow, kind of gay that its in the afternoon and is 2 hours long which means that i wont get out of school on time. Gutting really. Oh well, not much I can do about that. I'm not particularly confident on what I have already done either and I'm not at all confident about tomorrow either. Its non-fiction and knowing me I will read the articles really slow and not finish it... again. For me, and yes i am very aware how sad this is, but its quite heart breaking when I don't finish stuff and both of my exams that I've done so far haven't been finished I mean, I knew I would be pushed for time but I always thought that some miracle would occur and it would just happen. I have not yet been so lucky. And you know what my hand doesn't half bloody ache afterwards!

So, wish me luck for tomorrow anyway, lets hope it goes okay at least. These exams cant be good for my blood pressure... After tomorrow I have one English Lit exam and after that, and then its half term. After half term I have History Written Paper, Graphics and then its my History Source Paper.

Trying not to get stressed though... Not working particularly well is it.

Ten Flaws

My Flaws:
1) I am pessimistic,
I'm a can't(er) a don't(er) and even a wont(er). I don't look on the bright side of situations, I try but, most of the time, I cant be trusted to say something that will lighten the mood so to speak.

2) I am Over Weight,
I don't care what anyone else says. Yes, I have tried to do something about it but I go to school for 6 hours a day, it takes me over 30 minutes to get to or from school. I'm not going to make excuses, I know that if I'm unhappy then I should do something about it but its hard, the eating healthily part really doesn't bother me, it the doing exercise, I try but like I said, It's hard.

3) I am Not Good Looking,
Or, like some stupid drunk prick said today I'm a "munter." I try not to let it bother me, at the end of the day I can't exactly do anything about it, but like everything else, if someone comments on your appearance and you aren't exactly in the best of moods, it's just hurtful. Isn't it?

4) I have low self esteem,
I'm sure you are all more than aware of this, but I put myself down... A lot. There really isn't much more to go into, its just the way I am.

5) I'm selfish and hypocritical,
I think about myself too much and I do and say things I know I shouldn't, like eat cake...

6) I spend too much money,
On clothes, food and everything else I don't need... Just want.

7) I tell myself I'm not good enough for anyone,
And I believe it. I feel fat and ugly all the time, I hate myself for it but it's the way I feel. I want to be made to feel... special. I want to be fussed and cuddled and kissed. I want to be loved. But how can I surely, I have to learn to love even just a little part of myself before I expect to find someone to do the same, or more.

8) I'm Stubborn,
It's often that I will say something and someone else won't agree, whats worse I don't want to back down, I only do because I can't be bothered to argue.

9) I want to know things,
Sometimes that requires nosiness but I don't mean to be its because I care. I want to be able to impress people by knowing important things. I want to be clever.

10) I am unsocial,
I don't know what to say to most people. My friends tell me to talk about what ever comes into my head... But I can't, I go blank, like in an exam or something. I just don't have anything to talk about, and anything that does come into my head would sound totally weired or I don't actually want to talk about to other people. like to think, to have my thoughts to myself. And that is that.

I believe, I trust, I care.
But you don't know because you refuse to listen. I care about you, that isn't the problem, the fact however that you don't realize, that you just don't talk to me. I don't even know what to do anymore. Why can't you just understand? Do i literally have to spell it out to you?! I love you and your acting like you don't care!

I care about you too. Bet you didn't know that, and I bet you don't even notice me. Its so hard trying to connect to you, your sweet and funny and your eyes are beautiful blue. Damn you and your eyes. I guess its getting better, my self control. I haven't dreamed about you for a while now. Not going to see you for another two weeks either. Damn.

Time is doing nothing but moving forward.

Time seems to be flying on a jet, and yet it feels like so long ago that it was my birthday. How can the weeks be passing so quickly and yet the beginning of the month seems like it was so far away. Everyone always said that time would fly after christmas and that my exams would be looming over me before I know it. Well its before I know it and i know that I need to start revising, I know that its stupid but, starting revision would be admitting that my whole entire way of life is coming to an end. And that I don't like at all. Its horrible to think that everything you know, everything your comfortable with will be gone. Just like that. In one day. Call me a drama queen and maybe you'd be right. I already miss what I'm already loosing, comfort.

You know when you meet someone and you instantly want to get to know them better? The beauty with blue eyes. Well I kind of feel like that at the moment. Mixed feelings and yet butterflies and red cheeks, that's how i feel. I thought it was only a crush but now I'm not so sure... I never really want to say anything because I'm scared it will go away. I can barely find the courage to go and talk to him. I feel like an idiot and I know that I should just enjoy the laughs and the smiles. But how do you know if someone likes you back? I guess you don't, but why did it have to be now? It almost seems too late. He isn't going to my college either and it's very unlikely that i would seem him around much either, it makes me sad that i will miss out on that too. I want a hug now.

Time is just rushing away with itself, but there is no way to stop it or the feelings it takes or leaves. I want life to just slow down, let me savour it. Let me breathe. Let me chill. Let me have enough time to blog at night, to read, to write, to find myself. Why does time have to fly when i just want it to wander. There isn't enough seconds in an hour. Let me spend more time with you. Help me find the time to stay in a moment. Let me have the time to think and dream. And for Christ sake give me the time to complete my bloody coursework.

And every single thought leads me back to you. I know what I want to dream about, the question is will I? And when? What will happen in the future? Will I like it? I guess all i can do is wait and see, and hope and pray that life will be good.

moody monday treats

Okay, its monday again and though i had a pretty good weekend i think, as i am supposed to be writing a CV i am going to blog to you lovely lot instead. No, for a change i wont have a whine or a moan first, i'm going to fill you up with jealousy for the beautiful things i can find! So, here we go!

Lovely Number One:

My Birthday Cake! My friend from play schools mum made me this! She is amazing, I cant thank her enough, it is so beautiful. I swear i could never have any other cake in my life. She is going to have to make me one every year forever! 

Number Two:

The cream ones are better but i had TWO whole packets of these last week! 

Number Three:

This picture. "made with love" for my birthday. 

Number Four:

My love is on my wall and until i find someone to give it too that is where my love shall stay.

Look its deco pelage and everything! 

Lovely Number Five: 

These Aran knitted jumpers, i love the first one the most because i don't have it! I'm gong to have to look for some more! They are all I want to wear! 

Dreamy Number Six:

Now that i have my love i want to experiment with other thing like it. I really like this one with the lights around it. These are the kind of things i would keep forever. 

And that is all, i will make sure that i update you with my boring life sooner or later but, as always I'm a little behind with coursework and shouldn't be blogging at all. And on that note, i will love you and leave you. Sleep well... dream sweet dreams. 

HUGH JACKMAN!!

Um is it just me or is Mr. Jackman the sexiest man in the world? I swear he is so gorgeous. He gives me goose bumps. Sigh!

Short and sweet.

I'll make this short and sweet, 

i just cant understand, 

why all the other people get to hold your hand. 

I want to feel loved by you

to keep away the pain 

wait and watch for you out the window pane. 

Wow, i'm shit at rhyming, 

i really really am, 

i think i will give up now,

its not really going well. 

I'm supposed to be having a 16th birthday party on Saturday, we were supposed to have a load of party games and stuff, but now i'm not so sure. I was only just told that the person i'm sharing with doesn't think it is such a good idea... through my friend. Am i really that scary that he say anything to me? Why does everything have to go through someone else, I think that is what is most... hurtful i suppose, that he didn't have the ... cant think of the right word, i don't know decency maybe just to say it to my face. Yeah he's a lovely guy, but what am i going to do? Eat him? I mean Jesus! How hard is it to just say "Georgie, i'm a little worried people wont do it?" I feel like such an idiot. Thats the only way to put it, i feel like an idiot and it makes me wonder if other people think i am as well. And that hurts too. Maybe i need a good cry. I feel like i do, but i don't want to, there is no point, what will it achieve. So i'm trying to think of something else we can do, but, we have mentioned the cinema but one of my best friends doesn't have any money and i'm supposed to be saving.What am i going to do leave her behind? So i have suggested renting a film. But does anyone reply? No. This whole situation makes me feel like a terrible friend, to him and to everyone else. Its a horrible feeling. 

Plus to top it all off i'm going through a phase again. FML! I don't even want this party anymore. I want to just sleep, i cant take it this tension, this stress, and i know its stupid but i cant stop the feelings. I want someone to hold my hand, and kiss me in the rain and comfort me when I'm stressing. I DON'T EVEN WANT A BOYFRIEND. I know that i couldn't deal with one. Not with all this exam pressure and ect. I think i need to calm down now. I'm going to turn off my lap top and read for about 20 minutes and sleep. This is stupid, getting all worked up over a party, i will have to see what happens i guess. 

Well, night. xx