life is filled with many things that wont come along without effort and help. Even the simplest things like getting up in the morning, i couldn't get up without the help of my alarm clock or get out of bed with out effort. I have been having these thoughts recently, which have been leaving me feeling sad :(, they are annoying and come along whenever they feel like it and wont go away for a long time. The thought that you are 15 and that you have been doing the same thing for the past 5,552 days of my life and I'm so sad that i even know what day I'm on. But i cant help it, all that i can think about is how little I have achieved. I wake up in the morning, go to school, come home, eat tea, go to bed. That is it. I constantly feel like crap because of this, i have so many plans for my life and it just makes me feel that none of my dreams are going to happen. I want to travel the world and see things that some people only dream of seeing, but where would i ever find the money?
My first exam is in 13 days. Its for ethics. I'm not exactly nervous i just keep thinking about it and how little time i have left. It came on so fast. I have maths, stats and a graphics exam to get though after that too. Im up to my neck in coursework and revision too. I don't know if i can cope, I'm trying and i know that I'm lucky to have the immense amount of support that i have got, but still, I'm human i still worry. I'm in school for six hours a day, and i know that I'm not on my feet all day but it doesn't mean that I'm doing anything, because i am, i am constantly trying to take in information, it could be the name of a poem to an algebra problem. Its exhausting. If i don't pass my exams how will i get a good job that gets me the money i need to be able to follow my dreams?
On top of my school work. If nobody has noticed. I am a teenage girl! No I'm not the prettiest girl in the box and i know that my personality can be a little different, doesn't mean that i need less attention, yes i like to be alone but i still want to be noticed. I might act tough and like i don't care, but i do. No. I don't really want a boyfriend, no I'm not really looking for one. But wouldn't it just be nice, just for a change for a boy to just come up to me and say, "Hey georgie, i like your hair today" or "your... looks nice." I'm not one that goes and looks for attention doesn't mean that i don't want it. I just feel so confused.
Everything is piling up and i cant unpack before the next suitcase joins the pile. Everything is just getting way too much, i just hope that things clean up and fast because its just getting way to much! xx
No comments:
Post a Comment