Love life, coz its the only one you have!

A few days ago, i went through an odd rough patch. I have always had a really bad temper, but i have slowly learnt to control it. However a few days ago i lost that control, i was angry at everyone, whether they had done something to upset me or not, even the ones that were only trying to help me i could think of something to hold against them and make myself even more angry, about it! It was mainly about boys to, that they had one and i don't. I was beginning to get pissed off, even with myself. In the mornings i would forget my books and my hair wouldn't go right and i would poke myself in the eyes with eyeliner, and then i would cry, in pain and anger. I through my straighteners on their stand, something i have never resorted to. I was shocked and so was my mum. I went to school and hated my lessons, my friends were talking to boys, something I'm not comfortable doing and it made me wonder why. Having nothing to talk about i wondered why no body was coming to talk to me. Was it my face? Or my body? I couldn't help the thoughts, that night me and my mum had a chat, i told her of my jealousy towards my friends personalities, hobbies, and looks. I talked to her about how i thought my sister was beautiful and it wasn't fair that i wasn't. I hated all the pictures taken of me and up around the house. I wanted to take them all down and rip them up. 
I went though another day of school feeling crappy and thought about how my life has no variation, I did the same thing everyday. Wake up, get ready go to school, learn, come home, eat, watch tv go to sleep and know that i would do the same thing the next day. My mum came home that night and told me that i was upsetting her. She told me that if i knew her i would know that she doesn't lie and that she thought i was beautiful. I needed to buck up. My friend, really helped to. She was dancing to me on webcam and was making me laugh. It was really what i needed, a complement and a laugh, and really big ones too. 


No, I'm not an emo, i didn't and don't self harm. And as far as I'm concerned i never will! Looking in a different attitude i realised how selfish i was being, it wasn't my time. I'm sure that my time will come, i just need to be patient and wait for it. My friends and other people i knew were going through some really hard times and i was worrying about how ugly i think i am and what my weight is. No, i cant change my features, but, if i was so worried about my weight why am i not doing more to change it? Why don't i look for a better way to complement my face? no bodies perfect, I'm 15 why did it take soo long to sink in? I have amazing friends, for me no one could be better. and they are the ones that get me up in the morning with out them and my family, their would be no point. But they are and their is and i love them, they are everything to me. So to them im sorry. To my self grow up. To you, love your life, love your friends and show them, love your family and let them know. Because their is no guarantee that there will be another life to share with them. Hold them tight to your chest and never let them go and give them an excuse to hold you back.

LOVE TO MY PEOPLE!! XXX