random pictures off the internet :)

This was me ten years ago! LOL JOKE i've never been kissed! 

This is me in ten years, minus the feather ;)!

shoes that i will own and wear and love. You will all be jealous!

Irregular choice, i love you! 

my future home library:) 

the waterfall everyone wants their loves kiss under

a pretty awesome bed!!

what you'll do just because you want to

LOL i love it how everything i write about involves love. Oh well it what a girl wants :P xxx

Talk

ok, where do i start? Everyone is talking all at once, but no one is listening. 


My heart is screaming out to you and you just refuse to hear, i love you but you cant tell, i want you to talk to me and tell me everything that you know and feel, but you wont, you dont want to know me any more and only because of one thing, you said that we would be friends forever but at this rate, we wont speak through college and for the rest of our lives. To you it was just talk, but i wanted to make it last. I held on as tight as i could, but you were pushing me away and i flew in the storm. Now your in the eye and everything is calm but on the outside im trying to fight my way back in but i cant get through the walls and im beginning to think that you dont want me to find you anymore. I love you so much and i dont think that you realise how hard it is for me to reach you, but my heart is aching and it just wont stop. Your squeezing the life out of me, without even noticing. I want to talk to you, but i get to you, and i know that it will cause problems that aren't worth it because in the end i'll loose more of you that i cant afford. 


I want you to scream into the sky with me, i want you to let it all out and share the load so that you arent so pressured, i want you to be as free as a bird and fly higher than any other with the wind under your wings. but i know that you wont, your too faithful. I want you to cry on my shoulder and be able to give you advice that i know would work and would solve all of your problems one by one, but life just doesnt work that way. Plus it isnt all down to you, and they cant just be solved like that. i want for you to tell me everything so that i know you inside and out, but you wouldnt want that, so i wont ask. I know that we will be friends until we are old granny, just because of our stubbornness because neither of us will back down. I wish that you could let loose and not be afraid that something you will say will upset someone. I wish you all the happiness that the world can give you and i hope that i can be by your side and see it with my own eyes.


How could you? You dont even know me but your taking away something so dear, today you said sorry, but i know that you arent, you never could be and never will be. your not sorry and even if you were you wouldnt do anything to make me feel better. I thought you were nice, but to you its just words. i know what you want, and now that you have it you wont let it go. You've changed things for me, and you dont even realise, you think that that is how things are, well its not. And unluckily for you, you will never find out. Too bad. You have changed your own relationship, for the worst, and now you will never know what she is really like. Dont get me wrong i dont want to feel this way, and trust me i am happy for you, but please. Is all i can ask. 


Everyone talks but, no ones knows the difference between hearing and listening. You just have to listen, open your ears because there are alot of things that you dont understand. i love you but you dont care, because to you "I love you" is just words and "sorry" means nothing. I dont just talk. To me its not just words. Dont leave me out in the cold. 

confusion and happiness

Confusion. One of my main emotions. It comes on fast and goes away in second. The more that this happens the more confused that i get. Oh its so confusing! Everything is slipping away all my time. And time is running away with the clock!

But, i have had a nice long whine and even though i could go on whining for so much longer im going to embrace my happiness. So. Here is the list of who and what makes me happy!

Shannon: shes funny, shes smart, and i love her! she isnt having too much of a good time at the moment and is not a happy bunny, when she deserves every happiness in the world, i made a with for her recently and i really hope that it comes true, and i will do everything that i can to make it come true and i hope that i know her until we are pushing around zimmer frames complaining about the young kids today, haha, but i wish her every happiness and i love her very much!



Georgia: shes weird, shes crazy but i still love her! She has recently gotten a new boyfriend, at first i was worried that i would begin to see less than her, but now i know that she will always be here for me and she knows that i will always be their for her. I hope that she stays happy forever and that i have a part in that, i will love her for always and forever, no matter where we are. I love you!

Layla: shes strange, shes a laugh and i love her! its been eleven years and we have had some amazing times and that i will never forget. We are like a married couple, we argue but we still love each other, shes my crazy husband Barry and she always will be like i will always be Doris. I would say that i hope we will be friends forever but i already know that  we will always be friends no mattter what ! Thank you and i love you!

Chloe: i know that she doesnt know it, but i love her very much, she is soo great and she doesnt even know it, or that im always here when she needs me. Sometimes things dont always go her way but in time they will and those times will be the ones that she loves the most. I hope that she knows i lover her so much and i wish her everything sweeet that life can give to her. I love you!



Thank you to all of you i will never forget what you have done for me, and what you have done to my life, i wouldnt be who i am with out you !

I love you so much, you have my heart, please dont break it! xxxxx

who the fuck are you?

Who the fuck do you think you are ? You have all of a sudden changed and you are no longer the person i thought that you are, i used to know you inside and out, but now you dont want to know who i am, and all because of stupid boys! You once said that we would always be friends but now I'm not so sure, you spend all of your time with him or her and never have time for me anymore. What happened i dont understand. Was everything that you said a lie? I know that i haven't been the happiest person to be around at the moment, but i know that if you were with me, supporting me then my mood would double. I know, im being selfish, and jealous, because that is what i am. And im trying with all my might not to be. It's him. And me. You can be glued to your phone because of a text from this one guy. Or two. We've always been single together, but now your threatening to leave me alone in the dark whole of loneliness. This feeling has been s fast, ever since i realised how fast everyone is moving.

I hate boys, they ruin everything. Why do they do it? Its so unfair, they dont think about the consequences of their actions. They dont care about your friends feelings, all they want is, well you know what they want. I dont understand what happened to us, but you dont want to know, anything that i say you would just deny. But it doesnt matter, because you dont want to know and that is why.

 I dont know you.
 Because you have left me all alone.

Is it all getting just a bit to much?

life is filled with many things that wont come along without effort and help. Even the simplest things like getting up in the morning, i couldn't get up without the help of my alarm clock or get out of bed with out effort. I have been having these thoughts recently, which have been leaving me feeling sad :(, they are annoying and come along whenever they feel like it and wont go away for a long time. The thought that you are 15 and that you have been doing the same thing for the past 5,552 days of my life and I'm so sad that i even know what day I'm on. But i cant help it, all that i can think about is how little I have achieved. I wake up in the morning, go to school, come home, eat tea, go to bed. That is it. I constantly feel like crap because of this, i have so many plans for my life and it just makes me feel that none of my dreams are going to happen. I want to travel the world and see things that some people only dream of seeing, but where would i ever find the money?

My first exam is in 13 days. Its for ethics. I'm not exactly nervous i just keep thinking about it and how little time i have left. It came on so fast. I have maths, stats and a graphics exam to get though after that too. Im up to my neck in coursework and revision too. I don't know if i can cope, I'm trying and i know that I'm lucky to have the immense amount of support that i have got, but still, I'm human i still worry. I'm in school for six hours a day, and i know that I'm not on my feet all day but it doesn't mean that I'm doing anything, because i am, i am constantly trying to take in information, it could be the name of a poem to an algebra problem. Its exhausting. If i don't pass my exams how will i get a good job that gets me the money i need to be able to follow my dreams?

On top of my school work. If nobody has noticed. I am a teenage girl! No I'm not the prettiest girl in the box and i know that my personality can be a little different, doesn't mean that i need less attention, yes i like to be alone but i still want to be noticed. I might act tough and like i don't care, but i do. No. I don't really want a boyfriend, no I'm not really looking for one. But wouldn't it just be nice, just for a change for a boy to just come up to me and say, "Hey georgie, i like your hair today" or "your... looks nice." I'm not one that goes and looks for attention doesn't mean that i don't want it. I just feel so confused.

Everything is piling up and i cant unpack before the next suitcase joins the pile. Everything is just getting way too much, i just hope that things clean up and fast because its just getting way to much! xx

Love life, coz its the only one you have!

A few days ago, i went through an odd rough patch. I have always had a really bad temper, but i have slowly learnt to control it. However a few days ago i lost that control, i was angry at everyone, whether they had done something to upset me or not, even the ones that were only trying to help me i could think of something to hold against them and make myself even more angry, about it! It was mainly about boys to, that they had one and i don't. I was beginning to get pissed off, even with myself. In the mornings i would forget my books and my hair wouldn't go right and i would poke myself in the eyes with eyeliner, and then i would cry, in pain and anger. I through my straighteners on their stand, something i have never resorted to. I was shocked and so was my mum. I went to school and hated my lessons, my friends were talking to boys, something I'm not comfortable doing and it made me wonder why. Having nothing to talk about i wondered why no body was coming to talk to me. Was it my face? Or my body? I couldn't help the thoughts, that night me and my mum had a chat, i told her of my jealousy towards my friends personalities, hobbies, and looks. I talked to her about how i thought my sister was beautiful and it wasn't fair that i wasn't. I hated all the pictures taken of me and up around the house. I wanted to take them all down and rip them up. 
I went though another day of school feeling crappy and thought about how my life has no variation, I did the same thing everyday. Wake up, get ready go to school, learn, come home, eat, watch tv go to sleep and know that i would do the same thing the next day. My mum came home that night and told me that i was upsetting her. She told me that if i knew her i would know that she doesn't lie and that she thought i was beautiful. I needed to buck up. My friend, really helped to. She was dancing to me on webcam and was making me laugh. It was really what i needed, a complement and a laugh, and really big ones too. 


No, I'm not an emo, i didn't and don't self harm. And as far as I'm concerned i never will! Looking in a different attitude i realised how selfish i was being, it wasn't my time. I'm sure that my time will come, i just need to be patient and wait for it. My friends and other people i knew were going through some really hard times and i was worrying about how ugly i think i am and what my weight is. No, i cant change my features, but, if i was so worried about my weight why am i not doing more to change it? Why don't i look for a better way to complement my face? no bodies perfect, I'm 15 why did it take soo long to sink in? I have amazing friends, for me no one could be better. and they are the ones that get me up in the morning with out them and my family, their would be no point. But they are and their is and i love them, they are everything to me. So to them im sorry. To my self grow up. To you, love your life, love your friends and show them, love your family and let them know. Because their is no guarantee that there will be another life to share with them. Hold them tight to your chest and never let them go and give them an excuse to hold you back.

LOVE TO MY PEOPLE!! XXX