upsetting thoughts.

Never been kissed, never been loved.

Uh-oh, i know i shouldn't but i just had a really upsetting thought. What if no one ever loves me? What if i never get kissed? You know i have said before that i get moments where i just feel totally and utterly hopeless and stupidly down. Even though there is no reason to feel so, i just do. I haven't had it this bad in a while but, it hurts this time, deep down, i guess you could say its a fear. Don't think me stupid, or do, i know its irrational and there are a lot worse things to fear. It probably doesn't help that i have a slight obsession with romance.But it hurts a lot more than it usually does, maybe its because i'm thinking too much, maybe its because its my birthday soon, i don't know but, all of a sudden i feel so very alone. I know that i am not, i know i'm not the only single girl nor am i the only one who has never been kissed, but it doesn't stop the worry from forming in my mind. And once it comes it doesn't go away. I'm frightened of never feeling the most powerful emotion in the world. And I'm afraid that i will get too desperate to feel it and make myself feel something that i don't mean. I want this feeling to go away, but it doesn't seem to want to. And i don't know how to rid myself of it. I want to be held. 

So for those of you that feel alone in the most crowded places, you are not alone, there are people around you who love you dearly. 

Am i an idiot? Probably. Should i shut up now? Yes.

Boys. Sigh.

Okay, i got bored, so here for you is a list of my favorite boys/men, yes they are all amazingly older than me, i dont "fancy" them i just think they are extremely good looking! And most are married, but here we go. Seen's i don't have my own, why cant i look at others?

 Okay, here is Mr. Darcy, or most commonly
known as Mathew Macfayden. 

Garret Hedlund, was in my mind and then faded,
but he came back with a bang.

Mr. Eric Bana, i think it was the time travelers wife that got me started.
But, he is extremely good looking.

Oh Johnny. What can i say?

Well well look who it is. Andrew Lee Potts. Sigh. 

How did i not see him before. 

I know very well that its sad. but i dont really care! I'm single and you know, i'm kind of proud of it. And this, is my taste.

Georgie xx 

Mr Darcy.

Every girl in intitaled to a love story. A fantasy. We all wish for one, dont we? And to have a love story we have to find a love. Love? Is there such a thing? We've been told that many times that eventually we will be able to find the loves of our lives. But how? And when? When do we know that we have found the one? Is it a feeling or does someone tell you? And, one of my personal greatest fears, what if, you never find him? Or, what if you miss him and let that pass you by. How many chances do we get with true love? I don't want to settle for something just because i cant get better. Is it selfish to want the real deal? What if, i want what i don't deserve. Does that mean, that i don't get to fall in - stupid, needy, irrational, cant live without the other -love? Is that fair. Or do we get exactly who we deserve... I don't mean to sound ungrateful and selfish, but the fact is, i am. And I want a Mr. Darcy. I want someone who will ask me to dance just so they can look at me close up. I want someone to love me against their better judgement, but love me all the same. I want someone to write me a love letter. I want someone to love me. I know that everyone says that but, in high school, when all you see around you is couples getting off and people talking about sex all the time, it kinda makes you wonder. And yes, i still have days when i do feel quite sorry for myself. No, i don't want to have sex. No i don't want public snogging sessions. I want something else.

As you may have realized, recently i have started reading pride and prejudice, and it has gotten me thinking again, i was surprised actually that i have gone so long without having a massively long rant about it. And i don't really want to now. Even though i kind of just have. I went prom dress shopping with a couple of my friends today, who both tried on dresses they looked beautiful in. And it got me thinking, prom. Its the end of an era. And stood there, looking at two beautiful girls, in big beautiful dresses, well... i welled up, i stared to think about college and how we and my other friends wouldn't see each other so much all the time, different timetables, different buildings. It just makes me sad to think that my whole way of life is ending, and things are going to change. This is the beginning of the end, and its a sad feeling, that i think is going to linger. Its like an emptiness. Wow, I'm not old enough for prom, or college, I'm not old enough to risk loosing the people around me because i wait for them, I'm not ready to loose them because I'm too shy to arrange something. I'm not old enough to be worrying about the fact that i have never done anything in my life. And i don't actually care, i still have my whole life to do something about it. I'm not stupid enough to do something that i will regret later on, I'm not desperate. And I'm fussy. So there. Lets get back to the beautiful Mr. Darcy - well he's beautiful in my head - and love.

Elizabeth is a little silly when she rejects Darcy isn't she? It isn't just me who thinks so... is it?  Only to accept him in the end anyway. He loved her. L.O.V.E.D her, thats special. And she grows to love him in a matter of weeks?! Silly girl. But what is it that makes us attracted to someone? Their looks, personality, charm? Is it all three? Or is there no such thing as attraction? Do we fall for someone despite what they look, act and dance like? Is it all looks and personality? Do you have to be "banging" or pretty or beautiful to have someone fall for you? Can you rely on personality anymore? Or has the media ruined it for everyone? We only hate our bodies because we have been told what we have to look like, but why do we have to look like what we're told to look like? We're perfectly happy to rebel against everything else people tell us, so why haven't we rebelled against this ideal body too? I suppose it will just be one other thing that us girls need to deal with, i guess its a good thing we are muti-taskers.

Here, is my Mr. Darcy. Damn his dark flicky (sexy) hair and baby blues... sigh. 

Well, as you can see, i set my ideals way to high for the way i look, but hey I'm still little. I'm allowed to dream! And, you know, no one is going to stop me. 

Quote of the Day

Regardless of my having to want to change my lovely blog theme - thing, nothing, as per usual has been done towards changing it. I thought about it and thought about it, then realized that i had more important things to think about, like my english essay, or my maths exam, for example. And as much as i adore my blog, i did need to get my priorities straight. That, is very hard to say. But unfortunately, as much as it pains me to say, school... is... more... important... sort of, i guess that these results sort of determine what my life is going to like, so i might as well try hard. Not that i could resist the urge anyway, i'm too much of a goody-two-shoes to do any different. I wonder sometimes though, why exactly people can just laze around and not do any work and simply distract everyone else? What do they get a kick out of being shouted at? How can they just put what they're learning at risk? I mean, maybe its just me and my "lust for knowledge". Sure, i dont full on concentrate the whole time, thats just hard but why bother to get yourself kicked out of the class and learn sweet F.A?

Anyway, i had my first exam of year 11 on tuesday, maths, two hour long paper. I finished in an hour, and just sat there, shivering with back ache. I have another one in the morning and have decided not to revise because i dont want to stress myself out, she says picking up maths book. Busted, i'm distracting myself. I cant help it! I'm worried, i already know that i got two of the questions wrong on the last paper, so i have decided, that i'm not just going to sit there bored in the morning, im going to check and double check and triple check if i have time, because i really want my C. Which is as high as i can get. I have the chance to do the B grade work to see if i can get one in the summer but, do i want the pressure? Not really, and i will get pressured, because i am incapable of chilling with an exam looming before me, and im happy with a C. I'm more interested in my English grades. Those are the ones I'm interested in. Plus, if i have those lessons to do coursework or revision, that will take some of the pressure off from at home! That way, i can chill and be more pleasant towards the family. Maybe...

Anyway, getting to the point, here is my quote of the day, seems i'm struggling with motivation and feel as though i never succeed ....

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

- Winston Churchill 

Is there a key to success? Or have we all been fooled? I get the feeling that even though we have all been told that all we need to finds the key to success and that once we do all the doors will open for us. But, is there really a key? Surely, if success is supposed to be as satisfying as they say it is, aren't we the keys? Dont we make our own choices? Our own decisions when it comes to our lives? Who says that we phsically need to find the key to success. Don't we just need to find that key two unlock that part of ourselves that will find the thing you can be successful at or in. You are the key to your success!!

Hey, i'm sorry that i haven't posted in a while, i'm trying to renovate my blog page but i cant decide what exactly i want it to look like... but when i do i will get back to posting! Plus, i'm not quite sure what to write about, i know i should probably get back to my features again but i want to get my maths exam out the way, its next week! AHH! Also i have had a bit of a sad night or i would do a longer on now. But we have had to put one of my cats down today. She has always been in  my life, and i know that shes gone so, why haven't i cried? I'm sad, but i think i can understand that she's in a much better place, and died having nice memories, before we had to start doing the extreme, shutting her out at night and stuff. Its hard because we put out a litter tray, but she wouldn't use it. Why couldn't she just use it? She would still be here if she was...

I love you Bubbles. I miss you.