There is one most common difference between people and that is themselves everyone is different, no matter how similar, in looks, personality. Whatever. I know it doesn't make sense. But then neither does everyday of our lives. Or so it seems.
Theres a difference between unhappiness and sadness. Isn't there? Not one you can explain, but there is something that makes you say one rather than the other. Surely then that means there is a difference. No, its not obvious, and its probably not as complicated as i'm trying to make it, but why have two words that mean the same thing? Is there a point?
Is there a difference between love and hate? No, you have to love someone to wake up and hate them, else you would be indifferent, why would you care if you didn't? So, you have to love to hate. Right? Then, if thats true, how do you make that feeling go away, be it love, or hate, can you just pile it all away, like unwanted clothes, or toys and put it in storage. Let the dust of age settle, but then one day, surely the dust would be disturbed, and so would the emotion, then you have to go through the whole process again.
So what do you do? How do you set it free? It wont fly away, its like a leech and wants to suck that love away, and keep all the hate inside you.
Alone. What is it to be alone? Is it just a feeling of not having everything in its place inside you, or is it actually being by yourself? Or is it both? I had a day at school today where we were supposed to be doing work that we hadn't finished yet. I wasn't with anyone that i knew, and it bothered me that, it effected me, how much work i did. Then i came, home, i had a headache and i was in a bad mood, and the night just got crappy, and i lay on my bed, not wanting to eat because it was lamb, and i don't eat lamb, and because i wanted to cry, and i still do, but it wont come out, and i keep praying that the lump in my throat can be swallowed, but its not having it. Then my mum came up and i could have cried to her, but i know that she hates it when i cry. And i felt so terrible because i told her that i felt alone, and that sometimes i didn't feel like part of the family. And now i realizing that i am the only one left. My sister is gone, moved out and i haven't spoken to her for about a month properly, and i miss her very much. My little brother is 7 and I'm going to be 16 in February. I'm the only Radford in our house. I'm lonely. And i don't like it. I don't know who to talk to. And because Lauren, your not here, i need you the most. Oh dear... here comes the chin wobble. I hadn't really realized how much i missed you, i guess i hadn't thought about it until now. Who do you talk to when your feeling low? I don't want to talk to my friends because i know that they already have enough on their plate with out me adding to the mash, and i don't want to talk to my mum because i know she gets upset when i do, and i don't want that. Should i talk to a teacher? Thats not me though. Why would i talk to someone i barely know about my problems?
I'm not having any epiphany's no sparks of realizations of what to do. Damn it. No idea's. I need fresh air. I'm going to the beach next, week, and i know what your thinking, yeah, its bloody cold. But i love the sea, and i cant go up to the woods, so the beach it be.
Advice, i was talking to a friend the other day, telling her not to let people treat her like crap, because they do, and she goes on and lets them. Like she likes it or something, and then she said that she had been saying the same thing to someone else, and then i thought. How often do people give advice they wouldn't follow? I couldn't think of anything for example, but i would hate to take advice i know the person giving it doesn't, or wouldn't follow.
What would you do? Who would you talk too? Who do you trust?
Every one is different, that i know. Theres a difference. But which do you choose?
Peace out Georgie xx
