Short and sweet.

I'll make this short and sweet, 

i just cant understand, 

why all the other people get to hold your hand. 

I want to feel loved by you

to keep away the pain 

wait and watch for you out the window pane. 

Wow, i'm shit at rhyming, 

i really really am, 

i think i will give up now,

its not really going well. 

I'm supposed to be having a 16th birthday party on Saturday, we were supposed to have a load of party games and stuff, but now i'm not so sure. I was only just told that the person i'm sharing with doesn't think it is such a good idea... through my friend. Am i really that scary that he say anything to me? Why does everything have to go through someone else, I think that is what is most... hurtful i suppose, that he didn't have the ... cant think of the right word, i don't know decency maybe just to say it to my face. Yeah he's a lovely guy, but what am i going to do? Eat him? I mean Jesus! How hard is it to just say "Georgie, i'm a little worried people wont do it?" I feel like such an idiot. Thats the only way to put it, i feel like an idiot and it makes me wonder if other people think i am as well. And that hurts too. Maybe i need a good cry. I feel like i do, but i don't want to, there is no point, what will it achieve. So i'm trying to think of something else we can do, but, we have mentioned the cinema but one of my best friends doesn't have any money and i'm supposed to be saving.What am i going to do leave her behind? So i have suggested renting a film. But does anyone reply? No. This whole situation makes me feel like a terrible friend, to him and to everyone else. Its a horrible feeling. 

Plus to top it all off i'm going through a phase again. FML! I don't even want this party anymore. I want to just sleep, i cant take it this tension, this stress, and i know its stupid but i cant stop the feelings. I want someone to hold my hand, and kiss me in the rain and comfort me when I'm stressing. I DON'T EVEN WANT A BOYFRIEND. I know that i couldn't deal with one. Not with all this exam pressure and ect. I think i need to calm down now. I'm going to turn off my lap top and read for about 20 minutes and sleep. This is stupid, getting all worked up over a party, i will have to see what happens i guess. 

Well, night. xx